Hold Still

Last night was good.
I spent a number of hours in a three-story Barnes and Noble. I came out with Brave New World and Story of O and some postcards. I wanted to buy the entire store, but managed to eek out with only the aforementioned.
I got picked up by Nick after his business dinner [he had, in fact, taken me to said bookstore, having picked me up from work], and we had a typical Skittles-whiskey-sex-cartoons kind of night. Pretty good lineup, though around Birdman we got pretty tired of the TV.
It was a different sort of sex experience [pretty standard stuff, sex-wise], not even remotely the sort we had before, and yet not lovey and mushy and romantic... Which is good. I get attached to men easily when things like that happen. You know. Lovey-sweet things. With Nick that is a real concern for me, because he's got these incredibly trapping eyes, and a very endearing spirit, and he gave me a very lovely tarot reading today. His cards are amazing...
Last weekend I tried very hard to feel his energy but was entirely unable to do so, no matter how hard I tried or where I tried to feel it from, and last night as well... But today, on the car ride home I held his hand and laid my other hand on his inner wrist and there it was. At the exact moment I felt him he asked me if I could feel it [for I had told him how I couldn't, and we both tried to figure out exactly why but just didn't know]. He was sky blue with swirls of grey, and physically warm as well.
I put back everything I took out of him, but I did not put any of myself into him. That is something I am entirely unprepared for. That would make me way too connected to him for what I'm ready to handle. I sent him something pink with joy, and closed him back up carefully, for it is not good to run around with your energy leaking all over the place.
But anyway. I am going to go and read a book right now.
Though I haven't decided which one.