it's late, and there's school tomorrow.

I have a problem.
With lip gloss.
At CVS today like half the makeup was %50 off or more. I got a couple of things for a dollar [SIX DOLLARS OFF APIECE omgggmgmg.g], I got some more stuff, and I got some lip gloss.
Now, this is why I have a problem::
All but a few shades of it were half off. But not the shade that I wanted, the perfect shade of pink. So I spent as much on that lip gloss as I spent on an eyebrow pencil/tweezer/brush combo thing, an eyeliner, concealer, and a mascara. And some Q-tips. And superglue. And nail polish [white]. Arg, I desire more nail polish. Blaaaaack, acid-yellow. And bright Whore Red.
Omggg.
I'm thinking of pulling off some rhinestoned fake eyelashes at work one of these days. Wheeeee. You know the day I wear 'em I'd be stuck in the kitchen though, and they'd get a-covered in grease, yuck.

In other news, Odin leaves soon. By "soon" I mean in 25 days. Which is ridiculously soon. I'm trying my best to be as positive as possible about things. Jon is being the biggest support ever.
We have some loose plans, I'll have time to really be *with* him, etc. Things I'd love to be able to do now will magically become options...
Lying in bed late in the morning, snuggling and fighting over the covers and fending off the cat,
Going places to hang out other than my living room or the park,
Being able to go out to the bar if I/we feel like it,
Getting to really work on my art. Having real time to write, to cast, to knit, to devote an entire morning to yoga.
All sorts of stuff really.
You get the point.

And yet I'm so ripped apart. I keep falling apart, sobbing, screaming. I feel like someone is choking me. I think my heart has been ripped out of my chest and replaced with a new, spiny one. One that rips at my insides.

Arg, that's enough. Fuck being sad.
I'm sick of being sad.
It's hard though.
But at least I'm not alone.